Via Epicurious...

...comes this recipe for wassail, which is essential to avoid severe financial penalties this holiday season.

And yes, I look for anything as an excuse to link to old MST3K transcripts.

Maybe it's an election thing...

We had a condo board election this evening, and man oh man. I've only lived here a year and a half, but I've already heard enough sniping, politicking, accusations, and just plain bad behavior to feel like a lifer in this complex. Today wasn't as bad as it has been in the past, but it was nasty, particularly a couple of curmudgeons who seem to enjoy picking fights and acting in such a way that would embarrass parents if their toddlers did the same.

So, basically, I voted in such a way so the people who can't stand each other have to work together. Hey, if they want to argue so much, let them knock themselves out.

The punchline was that our bylaws state an election is invalid unless there's a quorum of voters, and there wasn't, so the votes remain in limbo until there is.

Kent Brockman was right. Democracy just doesn't work...

"Well they call me the working man, I guess that's what I am..."

Well, my first day at my new job was about as painless as these things go, so I'm pretty jazzed. The people were friendly and accomodating, I was able to get started with work right away, the cafeteria rocks, and I'm going against the NYC traffic. I'm pretty damn happy right now.

And in terms of goofy nerdness, I really dug the Flavia coffee machine, which is a cartridge-based system (when did they start making coffee machines like inkjet printers, reliant on their own custom coffee-packs?). I was so taken by it that it didn't even matter that the coffee was weaker than wet tissue paper. (To be fair, the strongest blend was passable, and I admittedly enjoy coffee that can warp spacetime.)

So all in all, a winning day. Man, I'd forgotten what it was like to look forward to work...

Hey, you dropped your quantum physics in my theology!

I ended up seeing a late-night showing of What The Bleep Do We Know?! in a theater that was apparently relying on Heisenberg's uncertainty principle to cram two hundred people into a room the size of a shoebox. The pseudo-documentary relates basic principles of quantum physics, biochemistry, and pop psychology via interviews into a surreal story revolving around a neurotic photographer played by a game Marlee Matlin.

As a movie, it leaves a lot to be desired. The story is, well, poor, and seems more often than not to get in the way of the scientific concepts the movie wants to illustrate; an extended sequence in the middle of the movie is overly silly, and there are about four false endings.

In addition, I have a particular complaint: Armin Shimerman is in the movie, but has two freaking lines. You've got Armin Shimerman, whose most famous character was named QUARK, in a movie about QUANTUM PHYSICS, and you give him TWO LINES??!?!? Come ON.

I also was stunned to learn in the credits than in addition to the brilliant-beyond-reason physicists, biologists, and theologists in the movie, there is also, um, Ramtha. "One of these things are not like the other..."

However, I've got to admit this: The concepts that the movie explores are so brain-twisting and eye-opening that it's a great film for discussion. We were talking about it the next day for extended lengths of time, and for that reason alone, it's worth seeing.

Preferably as a DVD rental, with friends, and a good bottle of wine, watched early for conversations well into the night.

But really, guys, next time? More Armin Shimerman.

Secondary chocolate blogging (or, this is too good NOT to share)...

(Note: Primary chocolate blogging available at an old soul... or Thoughts That Get Stuck In My Head.)

When I went with my NYC friend to New Hampshire this weekend, my friend, who is cooler than me by, oh, an order of magnitude or so, brought a box of Jacques' Torres chocolates, and pointed out his website. (He also has a show on Food TV). There are some great recipes on his site, but the one that I'll probably try is hidden on his kids' page: Yummy Banana Hot Chocolate. I don't know if kids will get their parents to melt a Dove Bar in milk, but I'll sure as hell give it a shot.

Actually, since my local supermarket has a good ethnic aisle and has Mexican chocolate, I'll probably try making Mexican Hot Chocolate for the holidays.

I just have to remind myself that I'm supposed to lose weight.

(PS. BTW, I've dropped a few pounds and stopped taking that diet pill crap even though it didn't hurt; it's amazing how well you can do by sticking to human-sized portions).

"It's the most wonderful tiiiiiime of the year..."

I don't know that song, just the opening line, but thankfully that's all I need. Singing this line out loud at the right moments is a quick and easy way to brighten your holiday.

The right moments, of course, are the moments of maximum holiday stress, such as when you're in the mall and the line stretches out of the store and right then a toddler starts screaming and the resonant frequency amplified by mall acoustics cause pinprick hemorrhages and make your spleen bleed.

Try it. You might get a laugh or a knowing chuckle accompanied by a rueful grin. More likely, people will think you're a big pain in the ass.

But that's fun, too.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

Quite the busy week for your humble narrator: a job offer came up and I snatched it, and now I'm unemployed, but only temporarily, I start my new job after Thanksgiving. And it was long overdue; the people at my old job were great (and still are, hello, if anyone's reading!), but I loathed the job itself (it had evolved from content creation to scheduling and paperwork), and I had been a temp at this company for faaaaaaaaaaaar too long.

So, I'm feeling good, I'll be getting back into the swing of things, doing what I like (tech writing) and having a change of pace.

So, I appreciate the patience, and I promise to ruminate on stupid shit for your reading pleasure a lot more this week.

NOW you're talking.

This is the kind of initiative I like to see from the fast-food industry:

Hardee's unveils the ‘Monster Thickburger’

1420 calories. 107 grams of fat.

Look at the picture. I mean, even the sandwich looks like it's throwing up.

I'm checking on the rumor that for another two dollars a Hardee's employee will push you down and kick you in the heart for ten minutes straight.

And for additional fun, count the contradictions on Hardee's site.

All right, movie executives. It's put up or shut up time.

So, I see a poster for the new Fat Albert movie, and I could feel the individual cells in my brain dying. They were screaming. I could hear that, too.

I mean, dear God, no. This was one of those things that I knew was out there and was coming but refused to accept, not unlike death, old age, or the election results.

I mean, you're releasing the DVD. You'll make money on it. So why? There's no need for this. I can't even bring myself to look at the trailer. The horror...the horror.

But all right. Fine. As long as movie executives insist on plundering Generation X televised memories to produce cinematic abortions, let's get right to it.

There is one show which has to be done. And no movie executive anywhere has the sack to do it.

This is as close as a sure thing you will have in life: this movie will be the defining moment of a generation.

I'm daring anyone out there with the capital and the chutzpah.

This film must be made.

Davey and Goliath. The Movie.

Do it.

Oh, and as long as you're casting Davey?

Eric Roberts.

You're welcome.

Playing with toys: impressions of the Nintendo DS.

I was at Best Buy, picking up printer catridges, when I saw a Nintendo DS demo unit hooked up. So I pushed the small child playing it out of the way (he was persistent, but a kidney shot kept him down), and gave it a try.

It looks like a Gameboy Advance streamlined in Apple Powerbook titanium style, with a second screen on top. On the game I was playing, the Metroid game, the top screen showed a first person shooter view, while the bottom screen showed a map. Neato!

Then I pressed the buttons on the bottom of the console (there are four in a diamond like the Gamecube controller), and nothing happened. What the hell? This is the big game of the year? My ox is BROKEN! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!

Then the helpful Best Buy saleskid, who obviously saw that I grew up on a joystick with one button, told me that the bottom screen was actually a touchpad, and you touched it to move the sight, and tapped it to jump. Right after that I felt the fire buttons on the back of the game, designed to fit my index fingers perfectly.

Oh. Well, that makes more sense.

So, this thing will obviously sell big. The graphics and sound are really impressive, and the touch pad opens a lot of control possibilities (for example, tapping a part of the screen in this game made your character roll into a ball, and I'm sure other games have similar new controls).

But if I was a kid...well...I had a habit of getting frustrated while playing games, and inevitably, well, hulk smash. The touch screen didn't always respond to tapping well, and of course I didn't understand how the hell to play the game (although that's unfair since I was playing it for three minutes). Let me put it this way; I wouldn't want the responsibility of NOT losing my temper while playing it, and having it end up like the family Rubik's Cube did, when I just pegged it at the wall.

But I'm sure that Nintendo would love it if kids got frustrated and broke them, so they could buy another. And the inevitable $40 neoprene protection case.

Who mourns for Messier?

Lost in last week's hijacking of the country's soul by narrow-minded bigots...oops, sorry, I meant "election", was an announcement that the NHL has cancelled its All-Star game; and it's fairly certain that the season will be cancelled this year.

To which I say, "oh, poop".

I've been a New Jersey Devils fan since their inception, and had the old-style red and mucus-green jacket to prove it, and I would've liked to see them go for the Cup again this year. Since they've started making the playoffs consistently, they've either went for that or gagged miserably in the first round; there doesn't seem to be a middle ground.

Well, that's gone, and in fact, my sports-watching for the winter is gone with them. Football's OK, but weekly. Basketball? Meh, except I'll watch Miami-LA games now to see the Shaq/Kobe fights. College basketball? I dig the tourney and Final Four, but otherwise, meh. Nothing else that's on is particularly great in my opinion, with the exception of that noble sport of kings, poker.

I think networks are missing an opportunity to try and get a fringe sport that'd be cheaper than hockey coverage (not hard) and more popular than hockey coverage (again, not hard). This was the stuff that Wide World of Sports used to kick ass on. Let's see some creativity. How about Australian rules football? I used to wake up early on Saturday mornings to catch that on ESPN. How about cricket? Yeah, but it'd be different. Some martial arts? Competitive darts? Or hurling, or curling, or candlepin bowling?

In the meantime, though, Scott Stevens will be checking Tie Domi in my mind...

"If it wasn't for my horse..."

Fans of Lewis Black and/or CmdrSue know the rest of that phrase, and how it accompanies a person's slow, agonizing, spiritual death.

My horse-line was a night or two ago on the news (I believe it was CBS). The news anchor read this story:

(somber) "The Arctic ice cap appears to be melting twice as fast as originally thought...

(suddenly perky) ...and economists say this could be a boon to the shipping industry!"

I don't remember much after that. Just that it was dark. And cold...very, very cold.

"Let's light this candle..."

The Planetary Society announced on November 9 (Carl Sagan's birthday) that they're going to try to launch Cosmos 1, "the world's first solar sail spacecraft", on March 1 of next year. I wish them all the luck in the world, because this is the type of cool stuff that I'd like to see scientists work on (although you'd think the Planetary Society people could put a SKIP button on their Cosmos 1's unwieldy Flash site).

Oh, I'm a space geek, no doubt about it. Not so much so that I can actually get past the math required for astronomy (and Maxwell's Equations made my head explode in engineering classes, thank you very much), but I've always dug space travel. And this has been a pretty good year for space heads: the Mars rovers kicked ass, Cassini got there, and someone won the X-Prize. Hell, even when Genesis did a header (and I watched that during my lunch hour via broadband), the samples weren't lost.

But I grew up on this stuff, and not just the diet of Trek and Anglicized anime like Star Blazers and Battle of the Planets. I remember the news-break for kids that they had between CBS cartoons talking about Skylab taking a header. I remember Carl Sagan's Cosmos on channel 13. I remember the first shuttle flight.

And, of course, there was Challenger. My first reaction about hearing the news was that the crew escaped, right? I mean, what decent space ship doesn't have escape pods?

That was a hard hit. So was Columbia. And NASA's had a lot of problems recently. There will probably be a sea-change in the way it works, and every now and then you hear people asking the point of space exploration and travel.

But I hope, one way or another, we never stop reaching for the stars.

Because the day we stop is the day we commit ourselves to being a race of bean-counters and middle managers.

Better(?) living(?) through pharmacology...

I received a big (yes, big) shock when I stepped on a scale this weekend.

180.

Great bowling average. But in terms of my weight, that number means that I can no longer discount my paunch as approaching middle age and metabolism slowdown.

Yep, I can now be officially declared a fatty boombalatty. With extra pork.

In retrospect, it's not surprising because I have probably the worst diet of non-Microsoft programmers in the nation. But it snuck up on me because it didn't show in the face and neck, and since those are the only parts I expose daily at work (well, on a regular basis), I could fool myself.

But face it, from nipples to knees, I'm a mess.

So, since I actually am fairly active for a sloth (I pace incessantly in frustration during the day), I'm making two big changes. The first is diet, obviously. Human-sized portions, no more desserts, and most importantly, no store-bought frozen crap. FoodTV, here I come.

The second thing I decided to try is some diet pills. Yes, it's dumb, and possibly health-endangering, but if it could help former Playboy playmate/neurotic hippo Anna Nicole Smith, maybe there's something to it. And face it, I've put worse crap in my body (I'm a former smoker, for example).

So, I picked up some of the cheapest "metabolism enhancer" that my drugstore had to offer. It's a mixture of herbal extracts...OK, it's basically amphetamines. Legal, of course, and ephedra-free (oh, why did I miss out on the ephedra craze), but basically crank.

So, verdict? Well, it's not killing me yet. Then again, it's been two days. The one thing that happened yesterday is when I drowsily ignored the warning. A dose provides the same caffeine as a cup of coffee, and the bottle does everything but blurt out JESUS CHRIST, DON'T TAKE THIS WITH COFFEE!!!!!!

So, you know what I did.

And then twenty minutes later I felt jittery (which was expected), and I was SWEATING. Thankfully, it passed before I had to talk to anyone. It would've been interesting. I looked like Leland Orser in Seven.

Anyway, my goals are modest, just to drop a little weight so I don't do much damage during what my brother calls "the gorgin' holidays", esp. since I fully intend to try making at least one of shari's or CmdrSue's chocolate-blogging recipies for the season.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for my morning glass of bacon fat...oh all right, TURKEY bacon fat.

EXTREEEEEEEME origami!

I know it sounds like a MST3K skit, but Extreme Origami is a book by Kunihiko Kasahara that my origami-loving friend (yes, we exist) at work borrowed from the library and let me look over. It explores techniques that would make origami purists retch, such as cutting, curvilinear folding, weaving, etc.

I have a similar book by Kasahara (Amazing Origami) and found the same advantages and disadvantages in Extreme Origami: although the techniques were fascinating and the resulting sculptures were beautiful, the instructions were in cases, poorly written and difficult to understand. I've been working on some of the designs by trial and error and still haven't worked it out, and I've been doing origami for almost eight years.

So, if you're looking for mathematical concepts or beyond-the-box artistic origami thinking, take a look. If you're like me and are just looking for cool models to fold, you probably would want to skip this and pick up Origami for the Connoisseur (by Kasahara and others).

And if you're looking for extreme origami in the X-Games sense, take a gander at Jeremy Schafer (of the Bay Area Rapid Folders) who, in this video (requires RealPlayer), folds a crane from a flaming piece of paper while riding a unicycle.

Just goes to show, with a little thought and creativity, any hobby can become potentially dangerous.

I was doing better. Really.

Then I checked the Village Voice website, and found this Houston Chronicle article about how textbooks are being delayed because the wording "legitimizes homosexuality".

The culprits? The words "couples" and "partners".

"Neutrality — the word 'partners' — when you use neutrality, the very purpose of using that language is to be inclusive of homosexuality," [board member Terri] Leo said.

Leo proposed dozens of language revisions that would change the wording to "husbands and wives" and "men and women."

Okay. Look. I used to be a technical writer. You want brevity in textbooks. "Couples" and "partners" are more economical in a book. And that's it. There's no hidden agenda. Sweet bleeding Christ. Oh, wait, I'll get in trouble for that.

There's also this nugget:

Dozens of speakers at public hearings in July and September asked the board to reject high school health books for failing to meet a curriculum requirement that requires students to "analyze the effectiveness and ineffectiveness of barrier protection and other contraceptive methods, including the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases, keeping in mind the effectiveness of remaining abstinent until marriage."

Fine. Throw abstinence in there. That will stop high school kids from screwing around. That's realistic.

Sorry for the rant, I wish I could be more coherent in making a reasoned defense, but between articles like this and Tuesday it just makes my brain cry...

Well, since I'm not watching the news (and won't be till, say, 2008)...

I'll see what else is on...

*click*
"And now, back to 'My Big Fat Obnoxious Mohel,' on Fox!"
"So, let's see the little pisher...what, you call that a foreskin? Looks more like a THREESKIN! HAH! Nah, just kidding, just kidding. I need to sterlize this, where's your microwave?"
*click*
"Fukui-san?"
"Go!"
"The challenger's dish contains squid, chili oil, dill, cilantro, flounder, tuna, mackerel, salmon roe, paprika, bay leaves, asparagus, carrots, celery, turnips, tomatoes, hot bean paste, sweet bean paste, rock salt, natto, foie gras, Kobe beef, pieces of duck, oranges, bananas, pomegranite seeds, licorice, white pepper, red pepper, and of course our theme ingredient, hermaphroditic shark fin from the Indian Ocean."
"All right, and there it goes into the ice cream maker..."
*click*
"Morning, Miranda!"
"Morning, Carrie!"
"Morning, Charlotte!"
"Hi, Carrie!"
"Morning, Samantha!"
"Let me tell you, I had the most UN-believable gang-bang last night! Honey, I had more cocks in me than a henhouse! I was in the shower all this morning and I'm still crusty!"
"Wh-what's the matter with you?"
*click*
"I can't believe our plane crashed and now we're lost on this strange desert island, with all these strange things happening. Who knows what'll happen next?"
"Oh, wait, I do get a signal. Hello? Yes, we're lost. Thank you! The Coast Guard will be here in ten minutes."
"Oh. Well, that was easy."
*click*
"Captain, Klingon ship, dead to port!"
"Malcolm, photon torpedoes! Trip, I need warp power now! T'Pol, rub your nipples!"
"Sir?"
"Do you want us to get cancelled? RUB THEM!"
*sigh* "Yes, sir."
"HARDER!!!!"
*click*
"HELLOOOOOOOO!!! ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO..."
"And we'll be right back to 'My Big Fat Obnoxious Proctologist'...
*click*

Um, if anyone needs me, I'll be huddled in the corner...

An allegorical story.

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Jimmy who had to choose between living with either Uncle Dan or Uncle Ralph. Each uncle got to talk to Jimmy before he decided in order to let him know how they would take care of him.

Uncle Dan said, "If you come live with me, Jimmy, I'll make sure you have a healthy diet, that you go to school every day and work hard, and learn, and how to get along with all your schoolmates, and we'll live a nice, happy life together as I teach you how to become a man."

Uncle Ralph said, "Uncle Dan's a fool! Come live with me and we'll party every day, eat ice cream for dinner, and you can watch TV all day and not have to go to school and learn anything, and we'll take all your friends toys, and if they don't like it they can kiss our butts!"

Jimmy thought (not very long) and said: "I wanna live with Uncle Ralph and we'll have a great time!"

And so Jimmy went with Uncle Ralph, and every day they partied and ate nothing but ice cream, and he watched TV all day and didn't go to school, and he made fun of all the other kids in the neighborhood and took their toys, and had just a grand old time.

Some time later, Uncle Ralph woke Jimmy up from his morning slumber, and Jimmy stirred in his pile of dirty clothes and lazily burped.

"Well, I have to go now. Good-bye!"

"No!" Jimmy cried. "I want to have fun!" He tried to run after Uncle Ralph but he was so fat he tired out, and when he called to other kids to try and stop him they all laughed. Jimmy tried to take care of himself but he didn't know how anything worked, and when he tried to think of a way to get him back he got bored because he never learned how to learn.

As Jimmy sat in his pigsty of a house, crying and lonely, there was a knock at the door. He waddled to open it, and there was Uncle Dan. Jimmy bawled and latched on to Uncle Dan's feet.

"Oh, Uncle Dan," Jimmy sobbed, "will you help me?"

Uncle Dan looked down and smiled.

"I always do."

"I just don't understand it."

Somehow, this quote seems appropriate.

Anyway, I'm sure today I'll visit the usual suspect sites to see what the take is on this election, which seems a fait accompli (I hear that Bush is going to give a victory speech this morning even though Kerry hasn't conceded, which is a completely typical classless move).

But let me just see if I have this right.

We, as a nation, decided that a war veteran, that's a WAR VETERAN, is less qualified to lead this country than an ex-cheerleader proud of his ignorance.

I think I'll stop following politics and devote my energy to a subject which has more of a basis in reality.

Such as religious-themed genital jewelry.

Election blog update (day 2).

4:36 AM (Bush 254   Kerry 246)

---

Hmm, good thing I decided to catch some shut-eye; this does not look like it's going to be resolved anytime soon. Bush's popular vote win does disturb me, though; even if Kerry pulls out an EV win, Repubs are going to yell and scream until they're hoarse. I think Kent Brockman of the Simpsons said it best.

"Folks, I'll say it before, and I'll say it again: Democracy just doesn't work."

Good night.

---

12:09 AM (Bush 246   Kerry 207)

---

Looks like it's going to be down to Ohio, and we may not get results tonight. On Kos they're saying that urban areas come in after rural, and that absentee ballots won't be counted for some time. I was wondering about that, because Bush's popular vote lead caught me off guard.

I'll have to keep this in mind, hopefully on Election Day 2008 when Jeb Bush is getting good initial news against President Kerry.

Election blog update.

11:53 PM (Bush 246   Kerry 199)

---

CBS called Florida for Bush. They just interviewed Karen Hughes, who managed to keep her shit-eating grin down to almost respectable levels.

I think I've pretty much given up on getting any meaningful sleep tonight.

---

11:03 PM (Bush 219   Kerry 199)

---

Right now, unfortunately, the ball seems to be in Dubya's court. If the CNN returns on Florida are accurate, I think the only reason they're not calling it for Dubya is they're not counting early return/absentee. I don't know if that's the case or not.

Hey, you want INFORMED commentary, go to Kos. Or watch the Daily Show. What do you think, Dennis?

"I'd say you're doing about as well as David Duke at a Passover seder."

Shut up.

---

10:32 PM (Bush 196   Kerry 112)

---

I'm not even going to worry at this point; it'll be PA, OH, and FL that determines the race. Would like to see a little more blue on the map by midnight, just to ease the Kossacks' minds.

NJ ended up (80% reporting) 52-47 Kerry, which is closer than I expected. IMO it's because NJ is socially progressive that Bush didn't take it, even w/the history of Democratic scandals we've had locally (i.e. Bob Torricelli). I think Bush needs that evangelical portion to put him over the top, and it just isn't in NJ.

One thing I take heart is that Nader is proving to be less than a non-factor (you were right, Nevsky). Unfortunately, it means we can't pin the blame on him, either...

---

9:47 PM (Bush 171   Kerry 112)

---

Yeah, it's going to come down to the battleground states. New Hampshire is undecided still. I'm visiting friends in NH in a couple of weeks who are huuuuuuge Kerry supporters (hi, friends, if you're reading!); I hope I don't have to blame them like I did in 2000 (joke).

At least Obama won his Senate seat by a 4-1 margin.

---

9:09 PM (Bush 162   Kerry 112)

---

Well, I know the night's early, but I'm not enjoying this very much. Sopranos is on HBO 2, I'll catch that for now for a bit, maybe a catnap.

And unfortunately for my brother (of 2+2=5 fame), CNN called his district for the incumbent, Virgil "Isn't Very" Goode (R)...

---

8:18 PM (Bush 108   Kerry 77)

---

BTW, I'm going by CBS television electoral vote counts. They're talking about how "moral values" is turning out to be the big issue in the election. If "moral values" means "not letting homosexuals marry" instead of "not starting wars for bullshit reasons", then, frankly, I'm worried.

---

8:01 PM (Bush 80   Kerry 77)

---

For me, the big news is that Kerry took my home state, New Jersey. I thought NJ would stay blue, but there were so many news stories saying otherwise that I started to have doubts. It's like if hundreds of people keep telling you a lump of dogshit is actually a Chunky bar, you'll take a lick...and then realize, in disgust and horror, that it actually is a Chunky bar.

Anyway. I've got a feeling we'll won't hear about battleground states for a while. The media is gun-shy from four years ago.

---

7:31 PM (Bush 39   Kerry 3)

---

WV went to Bush right away. I dig CBS's "real-time" national vote count update. And whoever told Lesley Stahl her hairstyle looked good has a great sense of humor.

Oh, and I don't know WHY I thought I could do state listings like in the last post. I almost thought for a minute that I wasn't lazy...

---

7:07 PM (Bush 34   Kerry 3)

---

No surprises so far, though it's interesting that Virginia hasn't been called right away.
Bush: GA, KS, IN
Kerry: VT

---

6:40 PM (Bush 0   Kerry 0)

---

Got my computer and TV on, I wonder how long it'll be before I zonk out.

Hey, NYC-area readers (if there are any); has anyone had problems listening to Air America recently? I've found that the signal's competing w/a wingnut station over the past week, and it said it was from Fort Wayne. AS IN FORT WAYNE, INDIANA? I'll ask on Kos once the traffic dies down, but it makes you wonder...

---

4:19 PM (Bush 0   Kerry 0)

---

Well, I'm not promising anything at this point, because I'm lazy, but I'm going to try and do periodic election updates w/commentary. Helping me out will be Yuengling and Dennis Miller.

"Babe, I'm more excited than Noriega with a lifetime pass for free dermabrasion."

Shut up.

And it's done.

Well, after two years of anger, bile, and tooth-clenching frustration, I ran (yes, more or less ran) to my polling location this morning and cast my vote for John Kerry.

And...nothing. I punched in the correct column, gave the other column the finger, and pressed the button. One atonal bloop later, my vote was cast.

And, as Teddy KGB once said, "I fyeel so...unsyastisfied." (sic)

When you build something up like this for two years, it can't help but be anticlimatic.

I know, what did I expect? To hear Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony from the sky as I exited, finding my car illuminated in a shaft of brilliant sunlight, and having woodland creatures waiting for me expectantly and butterflies alighting on my shoulder, then being approached by a lovable fawn, offering me a cohiba and a single malt?

Well...kinda.

Anyway, now that that's done, it's time to settle down with the other election watchers. It's going to be a looooooooooooong night.

Counselors and judges, each must do their part, to issue a continuance, closer to the heart, closer to the heaaaaaaart, yeah!

A new date has been set in the ongoing trial of Rush guitarist Alex Lifeson, stemming from a New Year's Eve party last year in Florida that went horribly, horribly wrong. This page at the Power Windows site has a pretty solid rundown of what happened (and that's a good site of all things Rush, BTW).

I guess I could comment about this, but really, I just wanted to make the "Closer to the Heart" joke.

Some post-Halloween thoughts...

All right, tonight and tomorrow I'm going to be in sweaty, fearful Election Day mode, both in real life and on the blogosphere, so I'll just chip in with a couple of things I've always liked about the day after Halloween.

1. The post-Halloween candy deluge in the office. I'm running around picking up what I can find (and will bring my own leftover candy in the office as well, I forgot today). I picked up Starburst, then put them back when I realized that all they do is rip out fillings and give me TMJ. Someone brought in bakery goods: fudge-iced brownies topped with gobs of ooey-gooey peanut butter, and I lunged for that like Dubya did for keggers at Yale. "Oh, a fair is a wonderful smorgasbord, smorgasbord, smorgasboard..."

2. The official start of the "holiday" season. Why call it the Christmas season when consumer greed is universal throughout all peoples on this bright blue marble floating in space? Yeah, yeah, corporeal proof of God's covenant, yadda, yadda, screw that, put in your Nintendo DS and whatever-the-hell-it-does Elmo orders NOW, because if you don't get them, your kids won't love you.

Well, they won't.