All right, movie executives. It's put up or shut up time.

So, I see a poster for the new Fat Albert movie, and I could feel the individual cells in my brain dying. They were screaming. I could hear that, too.

I mean, dear God, no. This was one of those things that I knew was out there and was coming but refused to accept, not unlike death, old age, or the election results.

I mean, you're releasing the DVD. You'll make money on it. So why? There's no need for this. I can't even bring myself to look at the trailer. The horror...the horror.

But all right. Fine. As long as movie executives insist on plundering Generation X televised memories to produce cinematic abortions, let's get right to it.

There is one show which has to be done. And no movie executive anywhere has the sack to do it.

This is as close as a sure thing you will have in life: this movie will be the defining moment of a generation.

I'm daring anyone out there with the capital and the chutzpah.

This film must be made.

Davey and Goliath. The Movie.

Do it.

Oh, and as long as you're casting Davey?

Eric Roberts.

You're welcome.