Well, since I'm not watching the news (and won't be till, say, 2008)...

I'll see what else is on...

*click*
"And now, back to 'My Big Fat Obnoxious Mohel,' on Fox!"
"So, let's see the little pisher...what, you call that a foreskin? Looks more like a THREESKIN! HAH! Nah, just kidding, just kidding. I need to sterlize this, where's your microwave?"
*click*
"Fukui-san?"
"Go!"
"The challenger's dish contains squid, chili oil, dill, cilantro, flounder, tuna, mackerel, salmon roe, paprika, bay leaves, asparagus, carrots, celery, turnips, tomatoes, hot bean paste, sweet bean paste, rock salt, natto, foie gras, Kobe beef, pieces of duck, oranges, bananas, pomegranite seeds, licorice, white pepper, red pepper, and of course our theme ingredient, hermaphroditic shark fin from the Indian Ocean."
"All right, and there it goes into the ice cream maker..."
*click*
"Morning, Miranda!"
"Morning, Carrie!"
"Morning, Charlotte!"
"Hi, Carrie!"
"Morning, Samantha!"
"Let me tell you, I had the most UN-believable gang-bang last night! Honey, I had more cocks in me than a henhouse! I was in the shower all this morning and I'm still crusty!"
"Wh-what's the matter with you?"
*click*
"I can't believe our plane crashed and now we're lost on this strange desert island, with all these strange things happening. Who knows what'll happen next?"
"Oh, wait, I do get a signal. Hello? Yes, we're lost. Thank you! The Coast Guard will be here in ten minutes."
"Oh. Well, that was easy."
*click*
"Captain, Klingon ship, dead to port!"
"Malcolm, photon torpedoes! Trip, I need warp power now! T'Pol, rub your nipples!"
"Sir?"
"Do you want us to get cancelled? RUB THEM!"
*sigh* "Yes, sir."
"HARDER!!!!"
*click*
"HELLOOOOOOOO!!! ECHO ECHO ECHO ECHO..."
"And we'll be right back to 'My Big Fat Obnoxious Proctologist'...
*click*

Um, if anyone needs me, I'll be huddled in the corner...