Oct 28, 2004

How to cheer yourself up, as long as you don't mind the possibility of looking like an insane idiot.

I can be, at times, a fairly melancholy sort, and I usually have days at work where my stomach produces enough acid that if it could somehow be used for etching semiconductors we'd all have $25 computers. However, there's a technique I use that almost never fails to bring a smile on my face, and I'd like to share it.

The downside is it may make you look like a nut.

It's pretty simple, and if you watch a lot of TV or movies you've probably already done it.

Repeat your favorite movie scenes to yourself. There are two catches.

1. You have to do it imitating the actors.
2. It has to be out loud. Whisper, mutter, or even mouth it, but it works better that way. At least for me.

Here are some of my favorites. You probably know them; hell, you've probably imitated them already.

Goodfellas. Well, obviously. My two scenes are "Now go home and get your fuckin' shinebox!" and "Spider, Spider, you know you're a stutterin', mumblin' prick?"

Casino. Again, obviously. The whole movie's quotable, but I fixate on the head in a vise scene.

Glengarry Glen Ross. Any scene. Well, except the boring crap with Pacino and Pryce. Ed Harris' throwaway "And what the fuck are you babbling about?" is also acceptable during after-work bitch sessions.

8MM. In this horrible, horrible movie, there's a scene where Nicolas Cage confronts the lawyer:

Lawyer: You want to know why?

Nic: Yes, WHY, WHY???????

with this twisted rictus on his face in such a cringing, mewling, whining manner that it never fails to crack me up. This one's admittedly obscure, and I do not recommend that you spend money to catch this line. Trust me. The movie's incredibly ridiculous.

Finally, I really like this Futurama line (it's clip #10). It's funnier if you have a dog. Especially a corgi (sorry, bro). For obvious reasons, I only do this one in the car.

There are others which escape me, but these usually equalize me long enough for sweet liquor to ease the pain.

Enjoy, and if you've got good quotes to share, by all means, add them in the comments!