May 18, 2005

Let's see what's on...

"So, Al, have you decided?"
"Now don't fucking pressure me, you cocksucker! I refuse to solve this fucking conundrum without some fucking rumination! Now, if I decide one way, there is potential of exposure to the foulest of detritus this fucking camp can avail. But to absolve myself may be interpreted by some that I am a whey-faced cowardly sponge, venturing only on the worn path."
"You know, you can get pepperoni on half the pizza."
Coming soon from Fox, Pamela Anderson stars as a fruit-stand operator, in Melons!
"Would you like to *giggle* see if my casabas are ripe?"
"Actually, I'd like to comment on the inherent hypocrisy of a network airing blantantly sexist humor while also pandering to extremist conservative political groups."
"Okay...then why are you staring at my tits?"
"Hey, I can do two things at once!"
"Yorn desh born, der ritt de gitt der gue,
Orn desh, dee born desh, de umn bork! bork! bork!"
"Tudey, ve-a veell meke-a a hemboorger thet testes leeke-a thuse-a mede-a in yuoor fefureete-a fest-fuud restoorunt. Furst, get a beeg bool, und plup in yuoor gruoond meet. Plup! Zeen, poot in yuoor coo breeens und coo speenel flooeed, ploos sume-a penceel shefeengs. Und feenelly, edd feces. Luts und luts ooff feces. Mooshy und guushy. Iff yuoor feces is oold und dry, yuoor hemboorger veell teste-a leeke-a a schuul ceffetereea's."
And now, back to The Surreal Life!
"How do you expect me to do dishes after I was hit by this drywall?"
"Drywall, eh? If I grind this up into a water-soluble solution, I bet I can inject this!"
"Don't be ridiculous. Oh, if only I had the courage to commit suicide."
"And at Papa John's, your pizza comes with free cheesesticks and dipping sauce!"
"That's right, you fucking cocksucker, and if you expect any fucking gratuity you will procure my repast within the hour. And if the vessel ensconcing my garlic sauce is not sealed, I will slit your fucking nostrils! My previous supper from you resembled a whore's bedspread when delivered!"