Feb 5, 2005

Let's see what's on...

Coming this fall to HBO, our latest hit series: Pet Store. It's a pet store...a weird and creepy pet store, dripping with symbolism and probably allegorical meaning!
"Hey Bob, what's with the line on aisle 2?"
"Oh, our Amish cashier thinks the register stole his soul. I'm more worried about the bloody cuneiform that manifested on the wall next to the cat food."
"Let's ask our manager, the talking narcoleptic ferret!"
"Well, Einstein postulated that warps in space-timefloopzzzzzzz..."
"Ah, let's go grab lunch at the hot dog stand run by the woman who may or may not be Amelia Earhart."
"Awful, awful, awful. Bloody horrible. Worst singing I've ever heard. Sounds like two yaks with laryngitis fornicating in a recycling center. Why do you do this? You clearly have no talent."
"Simon, why do you keep listening to Ashlee Simpson if you hate her so muchOH MY GOD PULL UP YOUR PANTS!"
"I'll say...the Treaty of Versailles?"
"And that's CORRECT! Congratulations, you've won the bonus round on today's Win Daunte Culpepper's Money!"
"Oh wow, thank you so much--what the--HEY, GIVE THAT BACK!"
And now, back to CSI: Jonestown.
"Captain, we got the toxicology report back."
"Let me guess. Poison Kool-Aid?"
"Actually, it's a particularly rare form of curare, only found in the Brazilian rainforest."
"Oh my word...really?"
*sigh* "No. It's Poison Kool-Aid."
" Geez, there's a shock."
"Welcome to Meet the Press. Today's guest, conservative commentator Fred Barnes, to discuss the controversial Gonzales memo. Now Mr. Barnes, you've been studying the memo extensively over the past two weeks and OH MY GOD PULL UP YOUR PANTS!"