Jun 30, 2006

Let's see what's on...

Coming soon to a theater near you...an uplifting documentary about nature, and how love will find a way no matter what the harsh conditions.

March of the Dung Beetles.

Narration by Lewis Black.

"So these things...they play with their own SHIT all their life...then they DIE. So I wonder...why doesn't Bush hire them as PRESS SECRETARIES?"



"Um, Katie, we usually just say 'good night' at the end of a newscast."


This summer, on ABC, So You Think You Can Arc Weld! Starring Dennis Miller and Norm McDonald!

"I'm telling you, this last time I was this excited, I was watching Berlin Alexanderplatz on tryptophan."
"Hey, this equipment, it kinda looks like a COCK!"


First, Battlestar Galactica. Then, Doctor Who. And now, another classic sci-fi series has returned...Space, 1999!

"Mission Control to ISS one. Come in, ISS one."
"Hello, Mission Control. We've completed experiment 24-Alpha."
"Um...mold. We grew some mold."
"Oh. I, uh...is it futuristic space mold that shoots laser beams?"
"No. Just mold."
"Ah. Um...look, not to be a dick, but...how much did this experiment cost?"
"One hundred eighty million."
"Wow. I mean...wow."
"Yeah, I know. And I hate to tell you, but the toilet's clogged again."
"Great. That's another fifty million down the tubes..."


In celebration of Independence Day and this great country's 230th birthday, Masterpiece Theatre is proud to present a dramatic reading of the Preamble to the US Constitution. Ladies and gentlemen, Lewis Black.

"We the people of the United States blah blah blah do ordain to pull our powdered wigs out of our ASSES and stop taking orders from a country where they won't serve you a hamburger unless it came from a cow that was BLEEDING from the EYES..."